Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
-Mark Twain
Please leave the Communist Party as clean on leaving as you would like to find it on entering.
Please remain calm: All panicking is being taken care of by your locally elected official.
You used to split your time between your mother's ovaries and your father's testicles? ME TOO!
There is a puppy in that room over there. If you think about the puppy, he dies a horrible death. Don't let the Puppy die.
A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about whose profession was the oldest. In the course of their arguments, they got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon the doctor said, "The medical profession is clearly the oldest, because Eve was made from Adam's rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply incredible surgical feat." The architect did not agree. He said, "But if you look at the Garden itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that, the Garden and the world were created. So God must have been an architect." The computer scientist, who had listened to all of this said, "Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?"
The fantasy worlds created in advertisements are always themselves devoid of advertisements.
the world is a stage and you're an actor upon it, so you may as well give the audience a laugh
the world ends not with a whimper, not with a bang, but with a ying tong iddle i po i told you so
IMAGINE THE ODDS YOU BEAT TO EVEN READ THIS! YOU WERE THE FIRST SPERM TO REACH THE EGG! YOU ALREADY WON, SO FUCKING RELAX ALREADY!
Computers, like cats, can operate crossdimensionally; the trick is in getting them to do what you want.
Contrary to what you may have made yourself to believe, no one really gives a shit about what you think.
In civilized life, where the happiness, and indeed almost the existence, of man depends so much upon the opinion of his fellow men, he is constantly acting a studied part.
-Washington Irving
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
-Bertrand Russell
[Discordians] need to be like a plague - not so virulent that we wipe out all potential carriers, but not so mild that we die out.
5197 Live Kwotes, 741 Deleted Kwotes
Based on the GPL Kwotes Project