OPEN BAR: 50 Shades of Chronic Liver Disease

[Ben Shapiro]

What I've learned in the last six months:

-"Craft Beer Geeks" are assholes AND idiots
-People who use Yelp (website) are cheap, lookin for something free, and don't tip for shit
-Kegs are heavy as fuck when they're full, light as fuck when empty
-Key kegs (disposable) are sons of bitches and whoever invented them should be dragged out into the street and beaten till they piss blood
-Lipstick is bartender's bane
-Pulling levers and filling glasses is fun and fulfilling
-Putting together cider and cheese pairings affordably is not as easy as it seems

I want this gig when I'm old and retired!

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

What I've learned in the last six months:

-"Craft Beer Geeks" are assholes AND idiots
-People who use Yelp (website) are cheap, lookin for something free, and don't tip for shit
-Kegs are heavy as fuck when they're full, light as fuck when empty
-Key kegs (disposable) are sons of bitches and whoever invented them should be dragged out into the street and beaten till they piss blood
-Lipstick is bartender's bane
-Pulling levers and filling glasses is fun and fulfilling
-Putting together cider and cheese pairings affordably is not as easy as it seems

I want this gig when I'm old and retired!

I want that gig in my own bar one day.
Still workin on that.

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

I am pretty pleased with my Springfest lineup though:
Tap X Meine Porter Weisse
Aktien Zwick'l Kellerbier
Zunft Kölsch
Mönchshof Schwarzbier
Kulmbacher Reichelbrau Eisbock
Grätzer Historic Ale
Uerige Doppelsticke
Aecht Schlenkerla Fastenbier

That's some good stuff right thur.

[LMNO]

Yeah, but is there anything I can drink?

[P3nT4gR4m]

NORTH DAKOTA STATE IS GONNA WIN IT ALL THIS YEAR!

http://fivethirtyeight.com/interactives/march-madness-predictions/

[LMNO]

NORTH DAKOTA STATE IS GONNA WIN IT ALL THIS YEAR!

http://fivethirtyeight.com/interactives/march-madness-predictions/

LESS THAN ONE PERCENT!  WE CAN DO IT!

[P3nT4gR4m]

Link came courtesy of this article Billion spondoolicks up fer grabs!

[LMNO]

Amusingly, I'm* the only one who picked Dayton to beat Ohio State, so I'm currently winning.








*Eris -- or Chance, actually.

[P3nT4gR4m]

Never ascribe to chance that which can be ascribed to a malevolent deity

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

Yeah, but is there anything I can drink?

Also- my bar manager built a randall and it works!
We're testing it with water and cucumber.
This is exciting to me, as we can run awesome stuff through awesome beer.
Like rose petals through Bink Bloesem. Whoa.

[LMNO]

Ok, honestly, if I came in looking for a session beer, bitter but not face-smacking, balanced but not too malty, with a ABV that I could have a few pints without getting fucked up, what would I order at your bar?


Example: 21st Amendment Bitter American.

[P3nT4gR4m]

If you came into my bar and asked for something that wouldn't get you fucked up, I'd show you the door mister 

[LMNO]

Dear sir, I intend to get fucked up, but I'd like to take my time doing it. Otherwise, it's just rolling I to a bar, ordering five shots of tequila, and drinking them in quick succession.

There's just no ART to it.

[P3nT4gR4m]

The art happens after you're shitfaced 

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

Ok, honestly, if I came in looking for a session beer, bitter but not face-smacking, balanced but not too malty, with a ABV that I could have a few pints without getting fucked up, what would I order at your bar?


Example: 21st Amendment Bitter American.

There are plenty of things like Old Speckled Hen, All Day IPA, Hop Ticket Session IPA, pretty much any ESB, Anderson Valley just released their Keebarlin' session ale. It seems session ales and lagers are the thing this spring. Terrapin made a helles lager with smoked pineapple called Pineapple Express that's just barely slightly smoky but has a nice light hop finish. IMO a little hoppy for a helles lager, but not bad by any means.