Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only

[Doktor Howl]

Today I created a Facebook account; I had a question to ask of the university's fruit tree program, and this seemed like the easiest way.  (I had an account a while back, but I never used it, and was getting annoyed by the spam, so I deleted it.)

Anyway, I set up the new account, and posted my question.  I came back a little later to check for a response, but my browser autocompleted to https://www.facebook.com/HolyNonsense/, since I guess I'd followed that link a while ago.  And since Facebook doesn't let you see much of anything unless you have an account, I decided to browse a bit.

I scrolled down the Holy Nonsense page, and then YOUR ACCOUNT HAS BEEN DISABLED.


There was no reason given for this, but I guess that's normal.  I clicked through to request a review.  It asked for my picture to confirm my identity, but since I'd never sent Facebook my picture to begin with, I sent a random picture of a cat sitting under a zucchini plant; they can make of it what they will.

It will stay disabled.  If your account has been around a while, it will compare your pic to pics you have loaded.

If you don't have pics, it will compare your pic to pics of people who have been banned.

If it doesn't find a match, it allows the account.

The problem with their model is that they are making it really difficult and annoying for anyone new to join up.  That won't bite them for a while, but it will in fact bite them.

[chaotic neutral observer]

It will stay disabled.  If your account has been around a while, it will compare your pic to pics you have loaded.

If you don't have pics, it will compare your pic to pics of people who have been banned.

If it doesn't find a match, it allows the account.

The problem with their model is that they are making it really difficult and annoying for anyone new to join up.  That won't bite them for a while, but it will in fact bite them.

Yup.

You can't use Facebook because your account, or activity on it, didn't follow our Community Standards.
We have already reviewed this decision and it can't be reversed.
To learn more about the reasons we disable accounts visit the Community Standards.

This was a one-hour-old account, and my sole activity on it was to ask a question about a fruit tree sale.

I since sorted it out via phone, so come next weekend, I'm gonna plant myself a few dwarf sour cherry trees.

[Cramulus]

don't sweat it, nobody on facebook is real anyway, it's basically 99.999% bots, including me

You may be asking - how was a bot posting on this forum 15+ years ago?


the answer is:

it's easy to simulate stupid people

[Cain]

Get down with the kids and join Tiktok instead. Their ghost stories are better than FBs too.

[Cramulus]

I can't handle tiktok...

like, I could easily watch a full hour of 6-second vines and feel like no time has passed. TikTok does that, but is better at it. Consuming 20 minutes of TikTok feels like eating a whole bag of doritos in one sitting. Tastes good but makes me feel bad.

Oh, and that fad where people lipsync to some audio clip while making OVER THE TOP FACIAL EXPRESSIONS, it's like nails on chalkboard to me.

[Cain]

Which is still better than Facebook.

[Faust]

tiktok makes me feel like despite being active online since the early 2000's nothing prepared me for what the internet would turn into

[Cramulus]

tiktok makes me feel like despite being active online since the early 2000's nothing prepared me for what the internet would turn into

[rong]

tiktok makes me feel like despite being active online since the early 2000's nothing prepared me for what the internet would turn into

Having thus far sucessfully avoided tiktok, my curiosity is piqued.  Do I check it out or remain blissfully ignorant?

[Faust]

remember ytmnd.com/ with the six second clips, if you liked that but instead of funny stuff you have a bunch of boring assholes doing it then yes tiktok is for you

[Doktor Howl]

The average weight of an American is 181 pounds.

There have been 675,000 covid deaths. 

That means we have generated 122,175,000 pounds of dead people, or 61,087 tons.

That is the weight of all 4 US battleships combined, circa 1990.  Made out of corpses.

[Cramulus]

Turns out, late night larp adventures have prepared me for the No Sleep lifestyle.

[Cramulus]

So I wrote this tabletop adventure for the Mork Borg RPG... it's getting published next month! I have two groups playtesting it, and they sent me really helpful feedback, including a detailed synopsis of their gameplay.

I had TOTALLY FORGOTTEN that I wrote an NPC into the game named Cramulus. There's a small chance of encountering him in these caves, wandering around in the dark (his torch burned out and he's helpless). Completely forgot that was in the adventure. So it surprised the hell out of me when he showed up in these player's reports:

Cramulus made it to the trap door and begged for help. The party initially refused but he tossed one of his silver and promised the other four pieces if pulled out. The party obliged and then Pluck-Hermit stated that the debt for his release was set at 150sp, forcing Cramulus into indentures servitude. After feeding him, the tied a rope to Cramulus as used him as a scout back down in the tunnels. Pluck-Hermit used his searching ability to determine his desire was due east and below, so the party headed east....


...They avoided the piles of guano and decided to continue east.

                This would be the party's final encounter before a hard stop. The players rolled 62 and 46: a large copper vein stretched out across the tunnel along with two bodies of the miners from before. A pile of silver coins was stacked 30 feet away. Cramulus was encouraged to take the coins and all of it would be put towards his debt. Cramulus eagerly began cramming coins in his sack, counting them one by one when suddenly, a huge spider pounced on him and sinking its fangs into his neck. He initially resisted the poison "I'M OKAY BOSS," but then died from the blood loss from the wound, "I'M NOT OKAY BOSS." A party member cast a confusion on the spider and it skittered away in search of invisible meals, leaving the crawlspace to the east open. Here the session ended.

The other group also encountered Cramulus. He was eaten by a demon worm and is now spinning and screaming in Eel Hell Forever

[Faust]

How often are you seeing the pattern of you being used as a canary for dangers lol

[Cramulus]

Both playtest groups... so basically a 100% rate of Cramulus being used as bait and then dying miserably.