This isn't the latest reality teevee show! This isn't the coolest new electronic trinket! It isn't a ringtone! So why the hell are you messing with it? You'd better put this down, before someone sees you...you might get in trouble, or worse! You might even look stupid and uncool!

Listen, genius...the powers that be work very hard to insure that you have all the information and entertainment that they think you need. And THIS is how you thank them? By reading some subversive flyer that was probably left here by some America-hating freak? Huh? Well, that's gratitude for you.

Shouldn't you just put this down, and go turn on the television? You're probably missing something that you just can't live without. What's gonna happen during your 20 minute lunch break, when everyone's talking about American Idol, and you missed it? What then? You'll be a pariah. Your coworkers will laugh at you behind your back, and you'll be "off the team". Good luck with that next promotion, Bubba!

So, look...just put this down quick, before anyone notices you reading it, and we'll pretend this never happened, okay? Now, get back to work, and pay attention to what you are supposed to be paying attention to!

Or kill me.